How to Get Curious About Your Habits

I wanted to get healthier and run without losing my breath. So, years ago, I quit smoking.

It wasn’t instant (believe me). I tried and failed a bunch of times. But to me, those “failures” weren’t proof I couldn’t do it; they were signs that I was doing it, and every attempt brought me closer to my goal.

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I Got Curious First

Before I picked a quit date, I started paying attention to when and why I reached for a cigarette:

• With my morning coffee (starting my day)
• Driving to work (routine)
• Bored or anxious (comfort)
• Lunch breaks (reward)

Each slip taught me something: What triggered me? What did I actually need right then?

It Wasn’t About Nicotine

Eventually, it became clear that it wasn’t just about nicotine anymore.
I could go weeks without smoking, but one stressful moment and I was right back.

It wasn’t about willpower. It was about:

• Avoiding discomfort
• Not knowing how to deal with my emotions
• Fearing weight gain (FYI, it happened; right before my wedding.)

Tools Aren’t Cheating

That’s when I learned: sometimes, change starts with tools that help interrupt the pattern while you work through the deeper stuff.

• Hypnotherapy
• Books
• Patches
• A vape pen (not perfect, but better)

What Actually Worked?

But ultimately, what really helped was interrupting my cues:

• I stopped vaping on work breaks (and took a walk instead).
• I waited longer after dinner (and distracted myself with cleaning while talking with my husband).
• I didn’t vape during drives anymore (I listened to music instead).
• I strength trained or went for a run when cravings hit (this reinforced my why).
• Sometimes, I’d even “misplace” my vape on purpose to delay the habit (which forced me to sit with or forget about the urge until it passed).

These interruptions gave me just enough of the reward I was craving and bought me time to practice going without.

I slowly lowered the nicotine until I hit zero. A few months later, I realized I didn’t need to carry it anymore, so I let it go.

You might not be trying to quit smoking, but if you’ve got a habit you want to change, this same curiosity-first approach can help.

Why “Just Stop” Almost Never Works

I think most people try to stop habits by pure force (and without a plan).
“Just drink less soda.”
“Just stop scrolling.”
“Just don’t eat late at night.”

It sounds simple, but it rarely works.

Habits stick because they meet a need; they’re not random.

They give us something:

• Comfort
• Relief
• Distraction
• Pleasure
• Routine

Most people get stuck because they try to remove the habit without replacing what it did for them, and that usually backfires.

You feel deprived, miss the comfort, and want the habit even more.

That’s why breaking habits often feels so frustrating.

It’s not just about stopping. It’s about understanding what the habit is really doing for you, and how deeply it’s wired into your routines and emotions.

Once you see that clearly, changing it becomes a lot more doable.

What Is a Habit (And Why Does It Stick So Easily)?

A habit is simply something you do often enough that your brain starts to do it automatically, and all habits follow the same pattern:

1. Cue – Something triggers the behavior (like stress, boredom, a work break, or a specific time of day).
2. Craving – You want to feel better, divert your attention, or get a quick reward (comfort, distraction, pleasure).
3. Response – You act (the snack, the soda, the cigarette, the endless scrolling).
4. Reward – You get relief (you feel better, calmer, and more satisfied). It’s brief, but powerful enough to keep you coming back for more.

Over time, it’s pretty much:

“When this happens, do this, get that feeling or result.”

Your Brain Makes Habits Automatic on Purpose

Our brains are efficient by design. They’re always looking for patterns and shortcuts to make things easier and faster.

So, when you do something repeatedly, especially if it gives you pleasure, relief, or comfort, your brain says: That worked. Let’s do it again.

It’s not a flaw, it’s biology.

Your brain wants to give you what you repeatedly ask for (even if it’s unconscious). It filters your environment to prioritize what it thinks matters most to you. It’s your brain trying to help, even if the habit itself isn’t.

So, the more you repeat a behavior in response to a feeling, the more automatic that response becomes.

When it comes to changing a habit, it’s not just about stopping. It’s about replacing the need and reward with something new.

A Smarter Approach: Swap, Don’t Force

You don’t stop a habit by forcing it away. You break it by gently replacing the response with something else that meets the same craving, just in a way that actually serves you.

Here’s what I often coach my clients through:

Get Clear on What the Habit Gives You

Do you want to reduce or remove it completely?

Ask yourself:

• Does this soothe me? Is this about comfort, and not the thing itself?
• Am I filling time?
• What just happened before I needed this?
• Why do I want to replace/reduce/remove this?

Give Yourself a Bridge Tool

These won’t replace the habit right away, but they give you new ways to meet the same need, which makes it easier to choose something different when the moment comes.

Once you understand why the habit happens, you can create a simple list of things that help you feel better without reinforcing the old loop. These alternatives should meet the same need in a healthier way.

What else helps you unwind, feel comforted, or pass time?

• Sitting outside for a few minutes
• Going for a walk
• Stretching
• Making a nutritious meal
• Texting a friend
• Shopping for a new outfit
• Say out loud, “This is hard—but it’s not forever.”

Make the New Path Easier to Choose

Next time, try one of the options from the list you created. Not every time, just sometimes. You’re not forcing yourself to stop right away (or ever). You’re adding other choices, so the habit becomes one of many, and it’s not your only option.

And when you slip? You start again. That’s all. You don’t erase your progress; you learn from and build on it.

Why This Works

You’re in control of yourself and expanding your comfort zone.

When the brain has more ways to meet a need, the original habit naturally loses some of its power.

And that’s how change sticks, not through shame or restriction, but by giving yourself more options that actually feel good.

You did the thing, and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. And if it was as bad, you survived it! You dealt with your fear, and you’re still okay.

One More Thing

You don’t have to stop doing everything you enjoy. But if something no longer makes you feel good, or if it’s quietly running your life on autopilot, it’s worth getting curious about.

Change can start with one simple question:

“What does this habit really do for me… and do I still want that?”

When you start there, change becomes less about willpower and more about making smarter, more caring choices for yourself.

This approach works for too much TV, snacking, skipping workouts, and pretty much anything that’s become automatic.

This is the kind of habit work I do with clients when fitness and nutrition goals bump into real life, because it works.

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Photo Credits

Smooth Fox Terrier Dog Walks Next to a Woman by Valeriia Boiko

Step by Step Concept ogichobanov from Getty Images